I’m always hesitant to write about sexual racism on dating apps, mostly because I’ve written so much about it that I’m tired of pointing out the obvious: that trying to date as a black man in the gay community can be incredibly demoralizing because the dating platforms and the community itself is steeped in white supremacy that inevitably marginalizes people of color, knowingly or not.
It’s also a topic that tends to bring out the worst of the internet trolls. As I don’t read comments on my own articles—I learned early on in my career that people can be incredibly personal and cruel in their attacks—I usually get to avoid the muck of anonymous opining. It’s also why I’m not on social media, except for Instagram, to which I’m otherwise ambivalent. My editor let me know that within seconds of publication, my piece had already elicited a criticism on Twitter for my use of “racism” over “bigotry” because “racist is somebody believing that their own race is superior to others”—which is part of the argument I make in the piece that I doubt the detractor actually read, but that’s par for the course.
The racist vitriol was more prevalent in a comment I received on my Insta lamenting that “All you people do is complain” and that black people are “impossible to please." He ended his screed with an indignant “Unbelievable!”
It sure is. Unbelievable, that is. I wasn’t sure if he was a bot, a troll, or just an awful person, so I didn’t bother to engage—instead, I screenshot his comment and posted it on my stories, because while I didn’t want to engage, I wanted to acknowledge the fact of his message, and how it not only proves the point of my piece and of my writing it, but that his bullshit also inspires me to continue writing about my experiences and connecting them to the greater issues at play in our society. Dating apps are merely a minor reflection of inherent white supremacy, but they still enable the reinforcement of that myth on which this country was built.
And while those few negative comments stuck in my craw over the weekend, I was also heartened by messages and comments from other gay black boys appreciative of their experience and their feelings being validated.
Anygay, click here to read, comments on all. If you’re into that sort of thing.